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Save the Children

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(alternate text)This has nothing to do with books, other than the fact it was written by the great Walter Kirn. But it is funny as hell.

Kirn is concerned with the welfare of America’s most famous newborn.

“If unborn children really had rights, the infant daughter of the actress Katie Holmes and the temporarily-humanoid immortal starseed that styles itself ‘Tom Cruise’ would have been delivered by a lawyer. Breaking the absolute silence of the delivery room, the lawyer, on the infant’s behalf, would have sued for spiritual guardianship and demanded that all profits earned from sale of the child’s story and image– including ‘virtual’ profits in the form of publicity for its parents — be deposited in a trust account to fund its lifelong psychotherapy needs. It would also be stipulated that such therapy could not be interfered with or curtailed by ‘Cruise’ or his religious representatives.”

This is a hilarious, and by the end of the piece, a surprisingly heartfelt post.

(via Bookslut who credited The Beiderbecke Affair.)