WCAX-TV in Burlington, VT reported that bestselling author Dan Brown has started construction on a wrought-iron fence around his home in Rye, NH. The report stated that Brown’s attorney said that the author didn’t want to fence himself in, but that he needs to protect the privacy and safety of his family. The Portsmouth Herald reported that the fence is designed to look natural and as though it’s been on the site for years.
He probably also wants to stem the increasing deluge of legal folks approaching him with lawsuits in hand. Although Brown recently won a high profile plagiarism lawsuit in London, he may be facing yet another legal challenge. The Book Standard reported that now a Russian art expert is contemplating a lawsuit, claiming that Brown stole his ideas.
I don’t blame Brown. I’m a big fan of fences myself. A twelve-foot concrete fence topped with razor wire and patrolled by armed guards and pit bulls was the only way I could keep the hordes of hot Slushpile.net groupies at bay.
But geez, can we dig a tunnel under that wall, or maybe cut a hole, but somehow, someway, can we get some fashion help onto the Brown compound? Maybe we can let Carson Kressley from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy parachute in, or maybe we can sneak Clinton from What Not to Wear in on the garbage truck. Maybe we can get the military’s psy-ops folks to drop leaflets from GQ. I don’t care how we do it, but for the love of God, we must get some sartorial advice over that wall! If I have to look at yet another picture of mega-millionaire-Brown in a black turtle neck and brown blazer, I’m going to drown myself in my own vomit.