Where Have All the Good eBay Times Gone?

I’m listening to Van Halen’s Diver Down disc and, as I enter the URL for eBay, the cymbals fade in and the bass line starts for Where Have All the Good Times Gone?.

Eddie’s rhythm parts kick in as I click on the link to buy Books.

Diamond Dave sings, “Will this depression last for long, wont you tell me, Where have all the good times gone?” as I sort by Price: Highest First.

And I don’t find shit.

Disappointing really. Where have all the good eBay times gone? Where are all the manuscripts offered at a two million dollars? Where are all the “the world needs to hear my story” pitches? Where are the “it’s The Da Vinci Code meets Tuesdays with Morrie” claims?

I used to entertain myself by perusing the outlandish literary offerings on the ‘bay. But they are no more. The only current posting is a $100,000 offer (buy-it-now for 250k) for the movie rights to a science fiction screenplay. And this thing has been posted, and reposted, for weeks.

I might have to start an auction for a book revealing the truth behind the Kennedy assassination while also detailing my amazing recovery from a crippling Mt. Dew addiction in spite of an insidous conspiracy from Opus Dei and the local Rotary Club. Just for some more good eBay times.